12 days away...

I'm not really sure when growing up became such a dreaded thing for me, but the closer I get to accomplishing my goals the more I want to turn and run the other way. People always say they are afraid of failure, but they forget how terrifying it is when you become everything you ever wanted to be. What's next? I assure you I am not "where I want to be", but I know that it is within reach. I have confidence I will succeed in the areas of life that I want to. But then there are the goals/decisions you make in life or will make in life that you never come to a definite decision on, well I don't anyway. Marriage? Kids? Love? These are some things that I am never clear in my mind about. One second wanting them all makes sense but then in the blink of an eye the concept of one person loving another, absolutely, forever seems impossible. You can never fully know someone; we've all got skeletons in the closet. So, with that said how could one enter into a lifetime commitment? I don't really know where I was going with this. Lately things have just been on my mind, and no matter how hard I try to suppress them they keep making their way to the surface. I leave in 12 days so that must be the reason for all this over-thinking about life and the future. The closer our departure date gets the more nervous I get. I won't be gone very long, just 4 weeks, but I keep wondering if I am prepared for what awaits me if we get into Burma. Am I ready? I think people have a misconception of me, that I am stronger than I really am. I am weak. If it weren't for the support I get from my family and friends I probably wouldn't be going on this "adventure". I am terrified to relive the devastation of watching a child die, of seeing people with curable diseases suffer when the medicine they need is mere cents to us. I hope with everything in me I am strong enough to help in every way I can.